


Let Narutos Rain From the Heavens

by qmzr



Category: Naruto
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Dimension Travel, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Or did he, Time Travel, Trope Subversion, ive read too many time travel fics, kakashi didn't deserve this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23761726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qmzr/pseuds/qmzr
Summary: Hatake Kakashi thought one of his key strengths on the job was his conduct in difficult situations, but when someone claiming to be Naruto from a devastated future surfaces, his ability to stay composed becomes more strained than he’d like.But then, another Naruto shows up. And then another Sakura. Hell, throw in a Sasuke or two or a legion more. All of them have a tragic story to tell and a desperate wish to change the past.God, what had he done in a past life to deserve this?
Comments: 12
Kudos: 185
Collections: Delightful Dimension Travel





	Let Narutos Rain From the Heavens

**Author's Note:**

> I think I saw a fic author's note that claimed, "there's a fine line between typical humor and pure crack, and I'm snorting that as we speak." May or may not have remembered the quote completely wrong, but I hope this fic came out more on the crack side of it all. Beat the shit outta Kakashi's remaining threads of sanity. 
> 
> Edited/revised on 8/2/2020 at 3:20 am. Also made some more direct references to be a little more vague.

Kakashi chuckled to himself at the latest antics of his cute little genin. It was a fool’s errand to get him to take off the mask when he didn’t feel like it, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t enjoying their wild speculation and futile attempts.

_Lips like cod roe? Buck teeth that covered the lower half of his face?_ My, my, quite the imagination they had on them. Reality was far more boring than that.

Icha Icha in hand, he strolled casually down the street. He had nowhere in particular to go, oddly enough, and was taking a break before he felt compelled to drag his team into doing something semi-productive. Gai would nag him into the pure land and drag him right back to earth to do laps if he didn't. Avoiding the jounin lounge wouldn't be enough to dodge that. Plus, the Chunin exams were beginning to draw near, and he didn’t want team 7 lagging _too_ far behind.

All of a sudden, his attention snapped to a figure in a hooded cloak picking their way through the marketplace. Normal civilians don’t walk like that, and Kakashi would’ve been a bigger fool than he already was not to have noticed an unfamiliar ninja in their ranks.

Shinobi villages like the Hidden Leaf had their fair share of oddballs, but something was afoot.

Deciding to observe from a distance, he watched, sharingan activated, as the figure quietly snatched a few apples and withdrew into an alley. He actually felt a drop of sympathy for this fellow as he watched them devour the fruit within a minute. What could’ve made them stoop to snatching apples to avoid starving? Not just anybody could move skillfully as he did in a weakened state, and that in itself was already quite worrying.

Now, it would have been far wiser of him to alert the nearby shinobi on lookout and let them take care of the situation, but something told him that he should confront the suspicious person himself. It was a jibing whisper in his ear (maybe from Obito, his mind entertained). 

Kakashi sighed and pulled down his forehead protector.

Making his way down to the figure wasn’t particularly difficult, and it was surprisingly easy to catch them off guard. “Excuse me,” he said casually, friendly eye-smile and all. “I don’t believe we’ve met. Care for an introduction?”

They whipped around with a tense exhaustion and a strangled grip on their kunai, but the brandished weapon quickly dropped to the ground with an indistinct thud. Near inaudibly, the figure mouthed his name in surprise with a very, very suspicious degree of familiarity. Slowly, they tugged off the hood of their oversized cloak.

Now this… this was not what he expected. Very much not this.

This kid, he’d wager, was under twenty and looked like death warmed over. But that was the least of it. 

A shock of shaggy, unevenly chopped blond hair was the first thing he noticed. Dull, blue eyes met his own as he took in the distinctive, whisker-like birthmarks of the previous kyuubi jinchuuriki's child. One of his genin’s faces was plastered on that of a stranger's. 

This was probably going to be a rather long and unpleasant day.

* * *

“So, in summary, a space alien rabbit goddess ate a mythical chakra fruit and is why we have chakra, and now she wants it all back and decided to hunt down the rest of humanity. You came back in time using a time-hopping seal in order to stop this from ever happening but it's hard to stop yourself from dropping by your hometown to take a look at your loved ones, who are now mostly deceased.”

Future Naruto nodded grimly.

Maybe the real treasure was the friends (read:absolute batshit students that get caught up in everything) we made along the way, Kakashi laughed semi-hysterically to himself. Outwardly, he took a bone-tired breath.

He had no idea why Naruto’s future self was so good at convincing him that this all wasn’t just some crazy elaborate hoax. The desperation sounded real, of course, but the whole time travel thing? Ridiculous. Yet, he still couldn’t help but believe it. It practically bypassed every normal semblance of a reality check and here he was, listening to him and asking about what they could do to ward off future disaster.

Staring at his once mischievous spitfire, now a wiry battle-weary shinobi, he could feel his heart twisting uncomfortably in his chest. He must be going soft.

Obviously, whatever form he was in, the kid would always be a terrible liar, even if it was simply omitting what were likely _quite a few key tidbits_ of info. He’d have to spill eventually, but for this would be fine for now. ‘Fine’ being a very, very subjective word to Kakashi.

“Alright, we can get started with a plan tomorrow. For now, you should rest. Running on empty-”

Suddenly, a bright red light began emanating from somewhere deeper in the alley, and both immediately had their weapons at the ready. Seemed like nap time would have to wait a bit longer.

Kakashi slinked to the corner and peered at the source of the disturbance. What he saw nearly made him drop his weapon too; it was another person, this time out cold on the ground but unmistakably Naruto. He looked between the two blonds. 

The one beside him shrugged confusedly.

Acting against his better judgement (which he seemed to be doing a lot of today), Kakashi assumed a half kneel next to Naruto 2, who was even more worse for wear than the previous one. In his cursory scan of him, this Naruto appeared to be a bit older, possibly just shy of his mid twenties and chakra drained to hell and back. How that happened, exactly, was what he wanted to know.

“Oh, I think I know what happened here. Kurama and I talked about it once, but we ended up tossing the idea. Too risky.”

“And what was it?” prompted Kakashi.

Naruto let a small shiver zip up his spine. “Force a rip through time and space. We’d probably need even more than what me and Kurama got. And something else I forgot. Even if I did make it through alive, there'd be some pretty bad consequences so we were really happy when we found a better way, 'ttebayo.”

“High risk, high reward, I guess.”

“I’d also be in a different dimension.”

Kakashi elected to ignore that bit of info. “...Okay, we need to get him medical-” he got cut off for the second time today when Naruto 2 jolted awake and slammed foreheads with him, leaving both groaning in pain.

Unfortunately, the pain was enough to knock the poor guy out again. Questioning would have to be delayed. Curses.

The duo stared down at the spread-eagled man. After a minute, Naruto turned to Kakashi.

“So, where do we hide the body?”

Without looking, Kakashi whacked the back of Naruto’s head, making him stumble and topple right onto Naruto 2. The shock was apparently enough to resuscitate him, judging by his new bout of hacking and coughing.

“Is it normal to cough this much, Kakasi-sensei? It sounds like he’s hacking up a lung,” commented Naruto, poking at him with a stick.

Naruto 2 jolted and locked onto Kakashi in a moment of stunning clarity. With some exceptionally shiny eyes, that is. _Very_ uncomfortably watery eyes. Before he could react with a stilted pat-on-the-back (there was a reason he never talked to little kids), a fountain of tears gushed out like a power hose.

“Oh thank the sage, I never thought I’d see you again!” he exclaimed, tears drying to manageable levels. “Everything started going downhill after Madera showed up and then you got killed later by-!”

“Wait, just Madera? What about Kaguya?”

“Nah it was mostly just him. One day, he just dropped 69 meteors on us all at once, believe it!”

_“Believe it?”_ cried Naruto indignantly. “It’s dattebayo, excuse you.”

Naruto 2 squinted at him. “Huh? I only said it once, how would you know it’s my catchphrase already?”

“I can feel it. You’re from some other crazy dimension.”

Raising a placating hand, Kakashi tried to project an air of calm. “Maa, maa, not sure if I should interject now, but my current little Naruto actually uses both of them.”

Naruto and Naruto turned on him in an instant. _“That’s even worse!”_ They shouted.

Oops.

None of them couldn’t dwell on the subject, though. A crashing noise, like the sound of a person hitting the ground, came from the roof of a nearby building and immediately snatched the attention of the trio.

They all seemed to suspect the same thing. Kakashi was sure of that. In fact, he could see both Narutos speedrun through all 5 stages of grief within seconds. 

“Well, now’s a good a time as any to head up,” Kakashi offered. They might as well get introductions over with for now.

With a few large strides, he scaled the wall and prepared to meet Naruto no. 3. It was a bigger surprise than he’d like to admit; a female figure was sprawled out on the ground, a mop of disheveled pink hair covering her face. It was Sakura, obviously.

She spat a few hairs out of her mouth as she rose shakily to her feet. “Ugh, I might as well shave myself bald if this keeps happening,” she cursed to herself.

_“Sakura?”_ exclaimed Naruto while trying to drag his other, more exhausted self up the wall. 

(It didn’t work, judging by the thump of a body colliding with the ground. The first Naruto wasn't in good shape either)

Her head whipped toward the sound of his voice. “Was that Naruto?” she demanded. Oh no, Kakashi could already see tears beading. He could barely deal with crying kids, let alone a sobbing women about as old as he was.

Luckily, she began rubbing her face dry with her tattered sleeves, then smiled brightly at Kakashi. 

The switch was a tad disturbing to behold, he had to admit. She might be a good buddy to bottle emotions and compartmentalize stress with. That was, putting it lightly, not a good sign.

“Oh! Kakashi-sensei! I haven’t seen you for a while,” she said. “It seems like I’m not the first one to show up here. Tell me, was it Madara for him too?”

“Nope, but the more information the better.”

She clapped her hands together. “Alright! Let’s grab something to eat, I’m starving, literally!”

"Haha, me too!"

And that was how Kakashi found himself at a local restaurant in the strangest situation he’d ever been in. He should have submitted a report about this whole thing an hour ago, but he couldn’t really summon the energy to care.

Both Narutos were wolfing down food at lightspeed as Sakura primly set down her cup of tea.

He also forgot to mention that the current Naruto’s body had also joined them at this point, as future him sent back his consciousness to his past self, citing some other world-ending catastrophe. How on earth the future Naruto from this timeline’s future was physically here, but another also was but just in mind and memory? Honestly, Kakashi just stopped trying to comprehend it.

“I led the all the surviving shinobi as the unofficial Hokage, you know? They were under my command, but even then, we weren’t strong enough to win,” Naruto 3 had muttered darkly. “Everyone got torn down one by one until I was one of the few left.”

A waiter halted by their table with a curious expression, ending Naruto 3’s moody grumbling. “Hello, Kakashi, Don’t recognize the new crowd. Did you find yourself a girlfriend?”

Sakura, having raised her cup to take another sip, snorted hot tea from her nostrils and sent a fork flying a centimeter shy of his face. “Absolutely not, for reasons I won’t discuss here.”

Unfazed, the waiter placed a glass of water onto the table. “Ah, sorry. Is this the lucky fellow?” he asked, gesturing toward Naruto 2, who opted to chuck the entire plate where his neck was a second ago. Naruto howled with laughter while the waiter walked away, unscathed. Kakashi really should have picked a better spot, but fewer people asked awkward questions where shinobi frequently dined. With several doppelgangers of varying ages, that was something that he needed.

“There’s not enough of me to go around, so you’d probably have to go back to your worlds for that,” he joked in an attempt to lighten them up, and this time all of them aimed a deadly combo toss right at his head.

“Maa, maa, blame the waiter. He didn’t know any better before he started playing match maker.”

Sakura glared. “Doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. Regardless, my world’s Kakashi-sensei is in a heavy coma.”

Naruto huffed. “Ugh, you’re still my world’s Kakashi-sensei and ew, I don’t really want to think about it. Your future self’s dead, by the way.”

Naruto 2 sighed. “My world’s Kakashi-sensei is also dead.”

They all turned toward the last one, who was busying himself with a cup of orange juice. 

He just made a squeamish face and groaned, “Future you was mortally wounded, the last I saw. Also? I’m what, 12 right now? What sort of underinformed 13 year old or pedo would pair my kid self with Kakashi-sensei? We have a 20-ish year gap to contend with unless some magical time hokey pokey is involved.”

“Since we’re already here, this also goes for my child self too,” added Sakura.

“Why’d you feel like tacking that on too?” asked Two.

Sakura grimaced. “Just felt compelled to say that. There might be a greater reason I’m unaware of.”

Out of nowhere, Sasuke manifested in midair and crashed onto their table, cursing at someone called Hagoromo Otsutsuki. Kakashi thankfully saved his plate from face-down destruction. It would be a waste to drop perfectly serviceable food.

They stared on as Sasuke gathered himself up, and watched as a lightbulb went off over his head.

“Itachi! I haven’t killed him yet!”

Kakashi blinked. “You managed to kill Itachi?”

Naruto turned to him in mild disbelief. “Of course he could, Kakashi-sensei. Right now, I could probably kick him kinda funny and he’d kneel over.”

That got Sasuke’s attention real quick. “Dobe, don’t you dare.”

“That’s the Sasuke I know,” he said with a chuckle, folding his arms behind his head. The grin got wiped right off of his face as he watched a growing cluster of Sasukes pop into existence, some in showing up puffs of smoke a bit like a kage bunshin, in blinding light, or simply appearing like the first Sasuke. When it stopped, Kakashi reckoned there was about a hundred or so in total. They all milled about as a silent crowd, just looking around and observing the situation. Nobody so much as whispered. 

Kakashi got a bad feeling. He lifted his forehead protector up. All of them had somehow synchronized their breathing. 

In one fell huff, it was released.

“ _ **Hn,”**_ They went. The combined force of a hundred Sasukes, all simultaneously uttering the same noise, shattered all the glass in range.

That was probably the warhorn of the end, Kakashi though in retrospect. But now, he simply watched as a Sakura collided head first into Naruto 3, whose reaction time was unfortunately not as fast in this body. The rest dodged the falling bodies breaking through the restaurant’s flimsy ceiling.

Even after they tried running out the place in desperation, bodies in varying states of health still rained from the sky, It all seemed like a futile resistance in the end, as a wall of pink, yellow, and black blocked out the sun’s rays for miles.

Kakashi’s local book club granny, in her infinite wisdom, once told his uptight child self something while rocking back and forth on her rocking chair. It was something along the lines of “with heavy rain, floods are inevitable if there isn’t a way for it to drain out.” She probably meant it figuratively, though. If it was trauma-related, he likely disappointed her quite a bit.

Reminiscing in a human flood wasn’t a good idea, he thought to himself as he lost sight of 3’s hand. 

He actually resigned himself to being buried among his numerous students until a ray of light filtered through the cracks. The two bodies on top of him were pried off and an almost ethereally glowing hand reached toward him. It was the first Naruto, in what he was assuming was six paths sage mode.

What this Naruto had forgotten to mention was that he could _fly_. Like a fucking bird, but better. That was just unfair. Admittedly, that was quite useful right now so he’d let it slide.

Grievances aside, Naruto was doing an admirable job of not getting peppered with human rain. It didn’t mean Kakashi didn’t have other questions, though.

“Naruto, why are we headed up?”

“Boss sent a bunch of us off at once to try and find a 'dry' spot. One of the other clones flew super high and noticed none of us there. Sakura said something about the spawn points being lower or something, I don’t really get it.”

Kakashi made a disgruntled noise. “Boss? I wasn’t good enough for the real one?”

“Ha ha, very funny,” responded Naruto.

“No, no, that’s quite alright. We all know you lunged for Sasuke first.”

A pause.

“Hey, Kakashi-sensei?”

“Yes?”

“Shut it.”

* * *

Shivering high up in the atmosphere wasn’t exactly the best way to enjoy the show, but was still a rather bizarre sight to behold from above. Thankfully, it took a surprisingly short amount of time for the onslaught to end.

They drifted back down to find every surface covered, excluding the odd pole or so. It was the only sort of place they could stand on so they just picked one and stuck to it. Kakashi took the time to survey the groaning mass below them as Naruto’s clones puffed into nonexistence.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What are all of your purposes for coming here?” Kakashi called.

That caught the attention of the (conscious) new arrivals. A messy chorus filled the air and he caught a few familiar names, primarily Kaguya, Madera, and oddly enough, the occasional Orochimaru or Obito.

Then, a flash of light caught everyone’s attention.

An older Naruto, out of the typical age range of most of the time travelers in sight, fell squarely on top of an unfortunate Sasuke’s head. A small blond boy clung to his stomach, supported by his father’s bandaged hand. A younger, black-haired girl sat on his shoulders and had her hands wrapped around his forehead.

It was an oddly cute scene set among the chaos, and Kakashi swiftly noticed how much of an outlier they were.

“Naruto-no, not you, I mean the one I’m looking at-Naruto, what sort of tragic backstory sent you here?

“Actually, everything’s all fine. We beat Kaguya like, a decade ago and all our countries are at peace. I was just messing with a really weird fuuinjutsu seal and accidentally stepped on it when I got distracted.”

Hollowed eyes of rage and envy settled directly onto him, and Kakashi saw a shiver zip quite visibly down his spine.

“Look! See how cute my kids are?” Naruto deflected clumsily, “Say ‘hello,’ Himawari!”

An innocently sunny smile, one befitting her name, spread across her face as she happily complied. “Hello!” she exclaimed, baby fat round on her cheeks.

The murderous atmosphere immediately lightened.

**Author's Note:**

> i know people who love boruto and people who hate boruto tend to agree on one thing: Himawari.
> 
> ive had the general idea for this fic stuck in my head for the past few days, and now I finally got it out. What do you think of it?


End file.
